you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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