I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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