had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize