I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
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i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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