i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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