so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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