He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
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And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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