Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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