Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
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Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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