You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
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IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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