there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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