Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
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I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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