imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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