Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
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I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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