I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
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How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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