I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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