It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize