He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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