i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
