I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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