dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
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I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
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I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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