Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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