she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hippo gnu deer
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Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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