I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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