Kareoke will never be a sober sport
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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