You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I wish there were birth control emojis
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize