the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
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The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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