hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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