I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize