She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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