the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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