i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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