you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
FUCK WHALES
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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