As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize