So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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