My first STD was from a foam party
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
