New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
