you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize