I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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