there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize