Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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