I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
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I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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