Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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