his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize