You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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