Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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