I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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