Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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