When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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