quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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