"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize