That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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