Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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